Friday, October 23, 2015

She needs a wild heart, she needs a wild heart...I've got a wild heart.

Nipples of Venus
I am untameable, it's a fact. So I demand that anyone who accompanies me on my journey be similarly impassioned. The faint of heart need not apply. A wild heart, a fiery soul, and a thirst to please (quid pro quo my dears, quid pro quo) are utterly immutable.

A few weeks ago I saw one of my favorite operas at the Kennedy Center, Carmen! Carmen is the story of a fiery factory girl who makes the stern Don Jose fall in love with her. One of my favorite scenes in the opera is when Carmen comes in and sings La Habanera. Don Jose sits in a corner unperturbed, while the other men beg her to choose a lover. She throws a rose at Jose who promptly storms away, incensed at the intrusion. I'm positive you've heard the song, but just in case...

Carmen eventually dances for Don Jose and sings about a night of passion. Jose is FINALLY entranced and eventually runs away with Carmen and her band of smugglers and vagabonds. The opera comes to a climactic end when Jose kills Carmen for falling in love with another man. The uninhibited, brilliant, and sexy Carmen is an inspiration for me. But what makes her so sexy?

The Death of Carmen © Beth Bergman 2013
Sexiness is first and foremost a state of mind. Confidence is more of an aphrodisiac than any oyster I've ever had. Next, it's understanding yourself...what you like, what makes you tick, and what you like doing. I feel that too many people do things they don't actually enjoy. For heavens sake don't run around doing strip teases √† la Carmen if it isn't  something you actually love to do! If all else fails make the following recipe to get your sexy back.

Today's recipe is an erotic one indeed. Nipples of Venus, beautiful little chocolate bonbons reminiscent of the most tempting aspect of a woman's physique. The titillating perky tips visually entice the voyeur to come take just one small bite.

Now turn on your favorite sexy song, and get to work! My song of choice? Led Zeppelin's "I Can't Quit You Baby".

Nipples of Venus
Serving Size: 8 Nipples (who thought nipples would ever be a serving size?)

1/2 Cup Heavy
3/4 Cup Semisweet Chocolate Chips (plus an additional 1/2 cup)
4 2" x 2" Brownies (Any store bought kind will do)
8 Red Melting Wafers (These can be purchased at any craft supply or baking store. But you can also use white chocolate)

1. Heat milk until scalded. This means turning off the burner just as the milk is beginning to form tiny bubbles around the edges of the pot

2. Pour hot cream (HA!) into the chocolate chips and stir until evenly melted

3. Now cover and place this in the fridge for at least 4 hours until the ganache is set

4. You have two choices at this point, you can either make straight up ganache truffles or mix brownies and the ganache together (which i think is just a little more decadent!)
5. Either way you will roll the ganache or brownie mixture into 2 inch balls
6. Slowly start shaping a peak into the balls, this is your nipple!
7. Place the nipples in the fridge while you melt the remaining 1/2 chocolate chips at thirty second intervals. Thus will be used to robe the truffles 
8. Dip your nipples in this melted chocolate until they are completely covered
9. Warm up your red candy wafers at 10 second intervals until melted
10. Dip your the tip of your nipple into the chocolate, and you're in business! 

Damn! Girl got a nice rack.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

You just keep pushing. You just keep pushing. I made every mistake that could be made. But I just kept pushing.

Black Tea Infused Bourbon Cocktail
My favorite philosopher of all time just so happens to be the father of modern philosophy itself, Rene Descartes. He is a bit of a rock star in my eyes, primarily because he refused to accept the norms set by his predecessors. He believed that in order to know anything with absolute certainty, we must first doubt everything we know. I think Descartes gave us his blessing to make as many mistakes as possible in the pursuit of truth, happiness, and fulfillment.

I've often wondered what advice I would give my children if I was ever lucky enough to have any. I don't believe that I would offer them conventional wisdom. I would most likely stay true to my own rock star ways and give them a chance to be Cartesian. Ergo, an open letter to any future children that have the honor of gracing my womb...

Dear Future Child,

I could tell you all the clich√© things that parents tell their children, and they would all be true, but I want to give you more than that. I hope you grow to be wonderful, strong, and happy...but I do not wish a life without challenges for you. I instead want you to have insurmountable courage in the face of opposition. I hope you become a better, more fulfilled, and empathetic person from going through hard times.

I hope you manage to pick up some of your mother's good qualities. I hope you are unconventional, irreverent, and lively. I hope you are also kind, optimistic, and always see the good in people. I hope you never really need me, but will always want me. I want you to learn about the mistakes I have made in my life, and go on to make them yourself! For you won't ever learn until you make messes of your own. I need you to see the beauty of having your heart broken, the absolute thrill of dating someone completely wrong for you, and the joy of finding someone who makes your heart flutter.

My rock star, I love you. I have always loved you, even though you are just a thought in the back of my mind. Now go on, wreak havoc on the world, and never say or do anything dull or commonplace.


Ultimately, I expect to reach the end of my life having tested every boundary, made every mistake, and loved unabashedly. Because in the end, like Plato, "I know one thing: that I know nothing" and will derive knowledge by doubting and making mistakes.

You know what isn't a mistake though? This black tea infused bourbon cocktail. Also a perfect libation for brooding over what crazy thing you're going to do next.

Black Tea Infused Bourbon Cockt...Oh Fuck! Let's just call it The Hina...
Serves One

2 oz Black tea infused bourbon (directions to follow. Buy lapsang souchang loose leaf black tea)
1 oz Elderflower Liqueur
1 oz Saffron infused simple syrup
2-3 Dashes Orange Bitters
1 Orange Twist

1. To make the black tea infused bourbon I recommend using a bourbon with a lighter flavor profile (like Jim Beam, something like Bulleit might be a bit too much but feel free to experiment)
2. Mix together 4 oz of bourbon with 2 tablespoons of loose leaf black tea and set aside for 3 hours
3. Strain the bourbon and discard used tea leaves
4. For the simple syrup dissolve equal parts sugar and water over a low flame. Add 2 to 3 threads of saffron and allow the syrup to cool
5. Combine and stir all cocktail ingredients, enjoy over ice!

Now go on and brood baby, brood!